Why men blaming women just isn’t acceptable

Every minute, nearly twenty people are physically abused by their intimate partner. Before you have finished reading this, at least fifteen women will have been placed in a situation of danger by their significant other. (It does happen to men too, but at a much lower rate.) Amazingly the men who do this assaulting see themselves as the victim.

Here’s the twisted logic

These men would like you to believe it is the way she behaves that causes him to respond with his fists or his penis. Did you catch that? Her behavior caused his reaction. What he is asking you to believe is it was not his fault. He has been provoked and it was simply a moment of weakness.

Buying into the logic even if you don’t actually condone the behavior is a complicit act because accepting that there might be a valid point of view is succumbing to the nonsense.

This is a tactic of power and control

It is as simple as that. This is another aspect – the other side of the coin from the actual abuse – of control.

What is happening is by blaming her the abuser is refusing to own his own behavior and is declining to take responsibility for his own actions.

Men aren’t unable to control themselves

The world is half populated by men. If men as a gender were not able to control their anger the world would be in a much worse state than it actually is. But the majority of men can control their anger and do so.

The effect of the lie

The real problem with men blaming women is it makes it so much harder for the women to get out. They are not just being controlled by the actual acts of violence, which is bad enough. They are being controlled in the times where there is not physical abuse by other controlling tactics like phony-remorse of the ‘why do you make me…’ kind.  You can imagine those sorts of statements along with crocodile tears and promises.


Sadly, when she buys this, all that happens is he knows he has gotten away with it one more time, and his sense of entitlement remains intact; there will be no change in behavior.

Being an adult means owning your own behavior and emotions

Until violent men are either forced to own their own behavior or taught how to do so from a young age, this situation is not going to change. Luckily more parents are becoming aware of the differences in the ways in which boys and girls are educated. More women are teaching their sons how to respond to girls.

There is more than one type of masculinity as many men know to their cost. We must get to the point where boys are taught there is a proper way to express anger, and that it can be done in a non-violent way. Until then we can expect another 20,000 calls a day to the domestic violence hotlines.

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